Friday, 29 April 2011

5 Tips On Dealing With Teenager Attitude After A Row.

Usually a teenager attitude after a row, which is fairly typical is that of sulking or just being downright uncooperative in the home. There is tension and this attitude does nothing to help.

As a parent, you are feeling hurt and maybe also resentful and so the tension is at an all time high.

What can you do to get back to a type of semi normality again? Don't ignore the feelings and tension and above all do not go over the row or argument again. That will just make things even worse.

The main objective here must be to move on. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that the parent and the teenager have different priorities and this can be the reason for underlying tensions,even when things are going fairly normally.

The parent sees things from the viewpoint of getting on in life, maturing, taking responsibility and being successful.

The teenager sees things in a completely different light. There may be peer pressure and he or she wants to fit in and not be a square peg in a round hole. That means buying the latest jeans and the parent may think that he or she has more jeans than necessary.

Here are some ways to reduce the tension and try to move on :-

1. Acknowledge that an immediate truce is out but that does not mean you cannot put the unpleasant argument behind you.

2. Acknowledge that feelings and tension is naturally high- they will not fade away like melting snow. There is a need to recognize the feelings of reesntment and anger on your part  and the sense of feeling aggrieved and uncooperative on the part of your teen.

3. Talk about these feelings. When we talk about them, it is important to offer NO JUSTIFICATION for what you did. OK, you lost your temper but there is no need to say that your teen was the cause of all that. Tell that you were hurt and that you are feeling bad. Why not say that you lost control and leave it at that? Otherwise the old wounds will be opened and the whole row is likely to start again.

4.  Assigning blame at this point is disastrous. If your teen is sulking just remark that it seems as if the time isn't right yet for communicating and move on. There is no need to go on about this.

5. Don't dismiss your teen's feelings out of hand or think that you can talk them out of it. It takes time. If you are so dismissive, that could worsen your teenager attitude. It is even worse when you act as if nothing at all had happened. Moving on does not mean ignoring the feelings and the tension. But you can do a lot by just recognizing them and talking about them in a very matter of fact way.

If you have teenager attitude problems, why not let a child consultant help you out with some very good suggestions and practical advice.

Sunday, 10 April 2011

Kids Attitude- How To Stop This Becoming A Problem

A lot of kids attitude problems stem from the fact that there is no structure, rules or established routine in the home. This means that a lot of chaos can develop and sometimes, kids end up hitting each other, doing what they like and generally causing mayhem.

 What is happening here or what is not happening is that the kids have no idea at all of what is expected of them in the home, as they grow up or indeed what is expected from them by the big bad world out there.

That means basically establishing the ground rules and making sure there is no favoritism. Then we have to ensure that each parent has the same take on all the issues. Otherwise good cop bad cop parenting will start and there is no end to it.

Teaching kids responsibility and accountability will ease the running of the home and will also prepare them for what society expects of them when they actually grow up which is usually just a few years away. That is frightening especially when we realize that a fourteen year old, in four years time will be officially an adult and will be able to get a drivers’ licence, among other things. 

The second thing of course is to parent effectively as the kids mature.  Here we have to tread carefully because we still have to retain our credibility as an authority while at the same time encouraging some independence.

The problems arise here with  when the parent starts to let up altogether and wants to become the teen’s best friend. That means basically that the word ‘no’ flies out the window and that indulgence is craved and often given.

The main problem here is that the teen is not nearly mature enough to act responsibly and situations may arise where risky behavior as regards driving, drink, sex and drugs rear their ugly heads.

Usually, when the ground rules which are based on safety, security and accountability are let go, then peer pressure builds up and the parents lose control over the situation . Wanting to become the teen’s best friend usually does not work.

Treading the fine line between being over protective, over critical and and a control freak with being far too indulgent and letting go of the reins is the key to successful parenting.

Once we get this right, the problems of kids attitude and other behavior problems become manageable. But we have to start early on!