When I hear parents in the mall giving long winded
explanations to their child as to why s/he should not eat or do something, I
sometimes wonder. The explanation is long and it sounds terribly sensible and
reasonable. But not to a young child of three of four years! In fact, it goes
over their heads. Can you imagine if the child has ADHD with all the distractions he or she has to cope with? Yelling and shouting might have been more effective but I am
joking of course!
Why giving consequences is a long term investment
This is where giving consequences comes in. Once we
start giving them consequences and do it consistently, then we are really
laying the groundwork for them to become responsible adults. This will help
them to mature, to be able to control their instinctive urges and to get along
with everybody at school and in relationships with siblings and so on.
How do you explain consequences to a three year old?
The first thing to do is show them examples of
consequences of your own actions. If you do not cook, the family goes hungry.
If you talk loudly on the bus, people will treat you badly. If you are always
punctual at work and finish projects on time, the consequences will be more
money and even promotion. There are lots of examples we can give.
Writing every thing down
Let us say
that established a few simple consequences for when our kids start biting or
hitting. We can write these on the noticeboard. Consequences can be no
playstation, no television or an earlier bedtime and so on. We should also make
sure that rewards for good behavior are also prominent on the list so that
there is more emphasis on the good behavior in an ideal situation.
The
consequences are there in black and white so when it happens, there is no need
for long explanations. Just point to the notice and give the consequence. This
has to be done immediately. If the child overreacts and has a meltdown, you
will have to make sure that he or she has some time out in a safe environment.
You may want to take time out too!
You are set up and
ready to go
Once these
are in place, you can be confident in applying them consistently. If you start
to waver or get emotional, then the child will spot the chink in your armour
and exploit it for all it is worth.
It is also
wise to make sure that all the family are fully briefed and that older siblings
and both parents are all on the same page. The last thing we want is that there
is a good cop and bad cop parenting attitude especially when one of the parents
is at work or away from home.