Kids will be more self-confident and less anxious
My uncle was a classic helicopter parent. He defended his kids even when they were in the wrong. We looked on in amazement because we had been brought up to fend for ourselves. Our parents had no idea what helicopter parenting meant and they were far better parents. The term ‘helicopter parent’ was first coined by Dr. Haim Ginott.
We were taught how to be independent, help with housework, and be responsible for various tasks. We were never coddled or overprotected. We were allowed to cycle to school, play, get hurt, climb trees, and deal with life’s ups and downs. This was brilliant training as in later life, we were able to cope with college, jobs, and relationships.
Our uncle’s kids had endless problems at school where disciplinary problems and academic failure seemed to stalk them. We were always convinced that their parents were far too protective. Always escorted to school and never allowed to play freely.
“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.”- Anne Landers
Helicopter parenting, lawnmower parenting, bulldoze parenting, or over-parenting.
You get the idea! These parents very often or even always:-
- Try to compensate for their own upbringing which was really tough
- Frequently criticize teachers, coaches, and umpires about their kids’ results in the classroom and on the sports field.
- Always tidy up, prepare everything, wash their kids and their clothes.
- Never let them experience disappointments or failures so kids never learn how to cope.
- Get too involved in homework and in assessing their grades.
- Supervise kids’ play all the time
- Intervening when kids start to argue with other children.
Over-parenting is damaging kids.
One study shows that students entering college who were brought up by helicopter parents had problems. They were more likely to have lower self-control skills and less able to cope with transitioning to the real world where the parents could never be on call.
A University of Minnesota study reveals that these overcontrolling parents are actually blocking a child’s emotions and behavior in general.
These kids are not allowed to do anything risky like climbing a tree or even traveling alone on public transport. Watch the video here of Lenore Skenazy who a decade ago been called the world’s worst Mom!
She makes a very strong case for free-range parenting which encourages kids to think for themselves and act accordingly. She is all for letting kids have their freedom back as passed by the Utah Sate in which kids are now allowed to travel without supervision.
Why are kids anxious?
According to the CDC, about 7% of children (3–17) have an anxiety disorder. A study carried out by Dr. Jennifer Hudson at Macquarie University in Australia shows that the kids who are overprotected will never become exposed to scary or risky situations. They are never given the chance to learn how to cope with these. This is one of the causes of anxiety in children.
Research at Indiana University shows that 38% of those interviewed said their parents were far too prompt to interfere and intervene.
Financial independence.
When I was a teen, I needed some money so that I could become financially independent. I started work in the summer holidays and my work experience was a great life lesson and I earned some cash. My first jobs included:-
- Fruit picking
- Barman
- Working in a flour processing lab
- Working in a laundry.
Most young adult Americans are still far too reliant on financial help from their parents. About 60% of the 10,000 parents themselves said in a Pew Research 2019 telephone survey they are still helping their adult children (18 -25) financially. Almost half (45%) of the young adults interviewed said they had a lot of financial help from their parents in the last year.
Mental health at risk.
When kids who have had overprotective parents become college students, they may be at risk of developing mental health problems.
This research study found that these students had lower scores on:-
- Psychological well being
- Satisfaction with life.
- Self –reliance
- Self-confidence
They were more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. The root cause of all this was because they had not been allowed to develop life skills and autonomy when they were children.
Helicopter parents need to relax.
Parents need to prepare their kids for risky situations when they learn to cross the road or ride a bike. You know it is getting ridiculous when helmets are sold for toddlers learning to walk to prevent them from getting hurt. They are not facing Mount Everest just yet!
In the UK, the National Trust has launched a campaign to help kids and parents to get off their devices and to play in the open air.
“Get your kids closer to nature with ’50 things to do before you’re 11 ¾’. There’s plenty of outdoor activities to do all year round, so get out in the fresh air and build a den, make your world spin by rolling down a hill or tickle the taste buds with a picnic in the wild.” — National Trust
A UK Parliamentary group has also advised parents that exposure to risk is an essential element for a balanced childhood:
“Risky play, involving perhaps rough and tumble, height, speed, playing near potentially dangerous elements such as water, cliffs and exploring alone with the possibility of getting lost, gives children a feeling of thrill and excitement.”
Parent portals are now another threat because many parents constantly check their kids’ grades and attendance. They need to reduce this just like they tell their kids to cut down on their screen time.
“Our job as a parent is to put ourselves out of a job, we need to know that our children have the wherewithal to get up in the morning and take care of themselves.”- Julie Lythcott-Haims.
Additional resources:-
National Trust activities list
How to stop being a helicopter parent
