As adults, we have a pretty wide range of strategies
for controlling our anger. That is what we like to think and we also compliment
ourselves on our self-control. We can use strategies such as turning away,
counting to ten, taking time out and of course talking about it and verbalizing
the whole anger issue.
But sometimes, we too lose control and we all have had
flashes of temper. Outbursts, shouting matches and even banging doors.
Our kids have very little experience of anger so the
initial temper tantrum, outburst, and violent physical reaction are all ways
which seems perfectly natural and instinctive to them. But how do we help our kids to control their
anger issues?
Younger kids are simply unable to verbalize their
feelings or even talk about how they felt afterwards. But with older kids,
there are many ways that we can raise the whole anger issue.
The secret to good parenting is to help the child to
channel his or her anger and to be aware that violent reactions can only worsen
the situation. Channelling anger into
harmless physical activities such as games and sports usually works quite well.
But first we need to be aware of the situations where
the child is liable to get angry and to steer clear of these situations, if at
all possible. The school setting will not be under our control which is why it
is so important to give the child strategies that he or she can put into
practice when the need arises.
Here are some things that make children angry and want
to lash out:-
- frustration
- loneliness
- lack of friendship
- hunger
- tiredness
- pain or discomfort
With younger kids, parents can help them understand
what is going on by telling stories and using these as an example. Talking about anger afterwards and helping
kids to manage their issues more safely and in a more socially acceptable way
is also excellent.
Using a story as a basis, talk about:-
- how they feel
- possible reactions
- alternative ways of dealing with the issue
Here is one great story which does this very well as
kids can easily identify with the child in the situation.